small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
