i was born a porn star she said
i just had sex bonerless
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
