Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
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I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
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