my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Randomize
