No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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