I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
