In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Randomize
