the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
