Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
My legs feel like baby dolphins
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
