For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
