just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
