i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Randomize
