her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
false alarm, still single
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