We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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