just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
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I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
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Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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