In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
