She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
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