remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
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