Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
