I want to make a zoo with you.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
