Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
