My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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