i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
