i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
