Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
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