Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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