I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
