If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
being pregnant is like rehab
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
