she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
