roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
where are my pants?
in the oven.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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