I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
