I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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