i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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