Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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