Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
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