Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
