and next time when you feel me up, do it right
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
