I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Can't talk, ducks in the car
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
