so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
