Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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