What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
