you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
