so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I just found a bag of teeth...
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
