I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
