In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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