There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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