I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Randomize
