"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Randomize
