I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
