That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
