He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
