Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
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he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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