Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
don't judge my taste in strippers
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
