this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I AM VODKA MAN
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize