Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I think people are normalizing furries
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
