I need help removing her.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
