There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Can I color on your dick again?
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
