she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Randomize
