I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
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I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
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hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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