New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
He literally asked permission to hit on me
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
