Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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