That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
