uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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