Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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