i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Two words: blizzard sex
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
