he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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