I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
