I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
