I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Someone came in the potted fern
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Randomize
