oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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