I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Randomize
