We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
