Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
