How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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