took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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