I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits