Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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