Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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