I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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